Ham Delights

My dear, sweet friend Margaret makes some of the best ham biscuits/sandwiches/delights in the world.  You know, the kind that you get at wedding/baby showers in the fellowship hall.  With poppy seeds?  And mustard?  And cheese?  And yumminess.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to have one fresh out of the oven... oh my word, it was tasty.

Shortly after that, Ms. M. pulled out a dish containing some amazing looking BBQ Chicken Pizza.  Oh, wow, it smelled GOOOOD.  I immediately told her I wasn't able to have any because I gave up meat for Le...n...t.... WHAT?!?!?!?

Yep.  My Lenten "sacrifice" of meat had rapidly been forgotten as I popped that Totally Delightful Ham Delight in my mouth moments before.

Junk.

Well.

Whoops.

The past nearly 4 weeks have been a journey of "sacrifice"... I had intended to give up sodas (which I have... this only poses a problem around the 3:00pm hour when a Diet Coke sounds AMAZING), but Dan said he was giving up meat and I decided to join him in our mini-vegetarian-quest to add solidarity and functionality to our family.

I had no idea how much meat we ate.

I don't tend to think of myself as a "meat eater" in the sense that a Meat Lovers Pizza makes me gag.  Those shows where they wrap ham and kielbasa and chicken and steak in bacon and eat it?  Gross.  But apparently, I ate meat more than I thought.

We first noticed that the time we prepare meat most is when we entertain.  Not everyone gets excited about veggies only... or if they do, we over-think their response (before even giving them the chance to respond.)  We are not mean enough to offer make kids eat the fake hotdogs- we just had those for us and offered kids the "real" thing.  We grilled portabella mushrooms for us and chicken breasts for our guests. 

Still, not that hard.

Then you add in fast food.... What should I order at Chick-Fil-A?  (I had a side salad and fruit.)  (And left hungry.)  Running through McD's after preschool for convenience suddenly becomes less convenient.

But part of that has been the lovely blessing of Lent.  As I catch myself thinking "what will I order?" or "what will I serve?", I've taken my insignificant moment of sacrifice to think of that of Jesus.  (And you  know I hate a Christian Cliche', right?  But Jesus is the real reason for the season here, folks.)  His death on a cross far outweighs my repeat roast vegetable entree....  His sacrifice for me is far greater than any "silly" thing I can do here.

Then comes the Ham Delights.  For the first time in weeks, it never crossed my mind as I popped one in my mouth.  Only later did I catch my "mistake".

Oh, y'all... isn't that how I live?

I get caught up in my own wants and forget how focused I want to be.  Time after time, I fail.

Tonight, I watched E mimic my own moment of "weakness."  She, too, has given up something for Lent: Hand Sanitizer.  She loooooves the stuff.  (She still uses it at church and school, but has given up her application of it which often is bath-worthy.)  She entered her bathroom, lathered on up, and came out to catch herself with "that look" in her eye and said, "Hey Mom?  I'm like you.  I messed up my Lent stuff, too."

How they see every little thing we do and soak it in as teachable... even when we don't want to teach that moment.

We joked at dinner tonight that E and I made Jesus cry a little today (JOKING, people... we don't teach our child false theology) and then took a second to talk about obedience as worship.  We talked about how Jesus knows our hearts... and even when we enjoy a delightful moment of ham or a quick romp in the hand sanitizer... we can still seek to honor Him with our actions.

E skipped off to bed just now- dressed as Pocahontas- with another moment of reality filed away in her precious little mind.  She brushed her teeth in the same room as THE sanitizer and was able to pass on it.

Today, I passed on several items containing meat at lunch and dinner.

Neither of these sacrifices will get us to heaven, compare to His sacrifice, or even make Him cry when we fail... but our sacrifices lend focus to our constantly wayward lives.  And for that, we are delightfully thankful.

THE house

This morning has proven to be surreal, and it's merely 9:19am as I type.  I woke up super early to finish a project for Teacher Appreciation Week... everything "clicked".  I was done with minutes to spare.  It looked the way I'd envisioned it to look.  (Side story?  We used tree branches as centerpieces in vases for the teacher's luncheon.  As I was assembling them, E comes downstairs and says, "Uh, Mom? What are those for?" Me: "Decoration for the teachers' luncheon." E: "Uh, Mom?  Sticks aren't really pretty decoration.  You should know that." Anyway...)

E had a friend pick her up for school this morning so I could be here for the installation of her playhouse.  THE playhouse.  She's been dreaming of this house for so long (read: about 8 months? a year?)... I think I've been dreaming about it even longer.

When I was around her age, my Daddy and my Papaw built us a treehouse.  My main job during the treehouse's construction was to be The Maker and Bringer of the Kool-Aid.  I was good at that job.  I brought them cup after cup of syrupy sweet purple stuff while they sweated and cursed in our backyard.  When it was finished, it was perfect.

I spent days in that house- playing school, being brave and sleeping all night by myself way back in the woods, decorating it was posters from Tiger Beat, having friends come play in it (when they weren't scared of spiders) so we could have "alone time", taking my journal or a book up there to write and read... it was my haven.

I used it way beyond when a child would usually "use" a treehouse... it's part of my story. 

When my Daddy talked about helping Dan build a playhouse for Elizabeth (house built in 1994? trees not quite ready for treehouses....), I was thrilled.  I envisioned E bringing Kool-aid and impatiently waiting for it's completion.  As we put together material lists and weighed pros and cons of "ready made" playhouses, my Daddy's Home Depot side won out and we opted for a "ready made" shed.  Apparently the fondly remembered hours of them laboring in the sun to build my treehouse didn't look so fondly in Daddy's memory.

And so here we are.  There are men in my backyard assembling E's playhouse.  It promises to be just as magical for her.  I can only imagine her years ahead filled with tea parties, sleep overs, book reading and journal writing, Tiger Beat decorating, secret telling, spider squealing, privacy seeking moments in that wooden refuge.  I am blessed to be able to offer her a chance to create her own memories of solitude (got that boys? solitude... that means you're not invited in 10 more years!).  I have no idea what lies ahead as God's plan for our lives unfold... but for this moment in time as I look out my window and see a gorgeous playhouse being constructed- I am content.

Playhouse warming party details to follow.  (Please note: I wrote this earlier this morning, but waited to post it until I had finished product pictures.  Tonight at church- without having read this- a friend of mine asked E if they could have a Purple Kool-Aid House Warming Party sometime soon... I immediately thought she'd read the blog... then remembered I hadn't posted it!  Apparently we will be having Purple Kool-Aid after all...)

 the truck arrives!

 before

 during

 after

 her first moments of fun!

a happy (and quite thankful!) girl.

Letting Go

Ya'll... letting go is hard.  I'm not good at it.  Never have been.

I struggle with letting go of anything: possessions, bad habits, relationships.  All of it... hard.

My buddy, Jen Hatmaker, wrote a book called "7"... while I am still in the process of processing it (I've yet to been able to post a "book review" which I want to do), I'll tell you that it brought to the surface this idea of "letting go" of some very American and excessy (yes, it's a word) things in my life.

Take for example- possessions.

We do a fairly good job of teaching Elizabeth the difference in a need and a want.  It is pretty simple when you lay it out in 5-year-old language.  But if you look around my house, you'll see that I often confuse the two.  It appears that I make my wants become my needs and they begin to clutter my home.

This Thursday, I have the opportunity to facilitate the MOMS group at our church.  During this time, we'll hear a little bit about what my buddy Jen says about possessions.  We'll even have a chance to respond: I've asked the women who will be coming to bring 7 possessions they can/want to/need to part with.  There are no guidelines for this... need to clean out your closet? Bring it.  Want to purge your pantry?  Bring it.  Need to offer up something that is cluttering your life?  Bring it.

Here's the cool part- what we part with, others can use.  At the end of our time together, we will have a chance to "shop" from everyone's parted possessions.  There may be the perfect pair of jeans that you've been looking for but can't find.  There may be that book you've been wanting to read.  There may be a bowl that would go perfectly with your kitchen.  Who knows... but we'll be creating less waste by recycling these items among friends.

And bonus?  What doesn't get taken will be sent on to others who can use them- whether they are at Solus Cristus, the Street School, Potters House, etc.

But in addition to the "stuff" part of letting go, we'll have a chance to hear from some of our friends about how God has shown them specific things in their lives they need to let go.  I'll let their stories speak for themselves on Thursday... but you'll want to be there to hear it.

I'm in the process of having God redefine how I let go of things.  Quite honestly, it sucks.  It's painful.  It's exhausting.  But yesterday  morning, I laid at the alter of piece of paper that says "release and blessing".  I'm coming before the Lord as He shows me how to release what I'm not yet ready to let go of... at the same time I'm asking Him to bless that release.

So will you join me?  Thursday morning, 9:30-11:30 at River Oaks Community Church.  We'll talk about "letting go" together.  Me, Jen, some friends, and lots of the things in our life that we need to let go.  Bring your 7 things... we'll release them together.

And be blessed.

Why I'm a train wreck...

I have met a couple of friends over the last few years who I've given this disclaimer to: "I promise I'm not always such a train wreck."

This usually follows one of the descriptors of my life:
-a "random" tumor/surgery/then recovery period
-losing my stepmom to a fight with cancer
-heading across the globe to help out in Africa
-church stuff... a LOT of the time
-and regrouping from all of the above after it/they take up a lot of my brain space.

Then I realized... you know what?  That's a lie.  I am a constant train wreck.

I am a train wreck in that when something in my life happens- I want everything to stop until I take care of that situation.  I want nothing "else" to have to deal with until there has been some sort of resolution (or at least plan of attack) from whatever has caused my life to stop.

Guess what I've discovered?

That doesn't happen.

Two and a half weeks ago, our world came to a halt when some of our dearest friends learned that one of  their little ones has leukemia.  I wanted to do nothing else but huddle up with our friends, love them, love their children, and ignore the rest of the world.  My heart and mind had no more room to take care of anything else- and it was already over-full with taking care of others in our lives and praying about major life decisions.  But in that moment, all that mattered was those friends.

I went to the hospital on that Thursday night- less than 12 hours before we were scheduled to go to Disneyworld- and told my sweet friend that I didn't want to go.  Even speaking those words out loud made me realize how selfish that sounded... my need to stay was far more about my needs than even wanting to stay to help with hers.  I couldn't stand the thought of being gone.  I wanted to help.  I was the one who wanted to be here... I, I, I, me, me, me.  

The irony of all of this self-realization is that one of the things that angered me the most in those first few days was how so many people did make it about them.  They wanted to be the ones at the front of the information loop.  They wanted to talk about how they would feel if it were their child.  Them, them, them.

Oh, wait, I was doing the same thing... just a different "flavor" of selfish.

Fortunately, I have a friend who saw my heart and gave her blessing on our trip.  (It was likely a relief for her, as she was thinking "If Becky's in Florida, she can't be bothering me 24/7.")  We ended up having a great time, even though most of my heart was still in the hospital here at home.

I just keep coming back to the idea of my Train Wreck Syndrome... I like the idea of the world being able to stop.  I like being able to compartmentalize things so that you only have to "deal" with one thing at a time.  If I'm learning anything from the people around me, though, it's that that cannot happen.  And the best thing we have going for all of us is that those around us pick up the pieces in times of need so that the main thing can reamain to be the main thing of our attention.  We are blessed.

We are continuing to be changed at a rate so rapid I can hardly keep up.  Over the last 2 months our prayer lives have been amplified time and time again.  My heart has hurt and rejoiced so much I feel like it could explode.  And yet this I know: nothing is going to stop to wait for me to catch up.  During this season of life, I'll just have to hold tighter to the One who knows where this train is going... because I can't stop everything now.

Continuing to try to make it all well with my soul... 

And, yes, my sweet little friend will covet all of your prayers.

Priorities.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times people say to me, "I know you're busy, but..."

Or, that comment's first cousin, "I hate to bother you..."

Both of those things make me cringe.  Because they scream to the world that I think "What I am doing is far more important than what you would ask of me."  And that's just not true.

The only thing that happens when I get busy is that I get scattered.
  -and forget to take a friend to school this week who I'd offered to take.
  -and forget I'd said we could have a playdate with another friend.
  -and forget to take a Christmas gift to a friend even though it's the only one I have left and it's been sitting by the door for 3 weeks.
  -and forget that we've got laundry in the dryer... and now it's wrinkled.

The only way I know to combat this scattered-ness (it's a word, people... just don't try to play it on Words With Friends... they will say it's 'unacceptable') is to make lists.  That's just what I did today.  Dan and I dropped E off at a birthday party (yay me for remembering!) and went to Starbucks with my favorite list-ing (bite me, WWF) notebook and a plan. 

We organized:
  -our grocery lists
  -our packing lists
  -our "to do" lists
  -and our calendar.

All of those things meet my immediate need: to get organized and not forget things.  But the bigger need is making sure that my to-dos line up with my priorities.

I "say" I want to love God first and people second.  So, then, how am I spending my time?
I "say" that I'm supposed to be connected to my neighborhood.  So, then, when was the last time I had them over?
I "say" I want to spend less and save more.  So, then, how does my bank statement agree with that?
I "say" I want people to around me to feel encouraged by my friendship.  So, then, how do they feel when I don't respond to texts/phone calls/emails... all because it slips my mind?

In the last few weeks we've gotten our home in a far better working order than it's been in months... years?  We've finished our paperwork for Foster Stuff (thanks for checking in, all of you who have... sorry if I've not responded.)  We've eaten at home more than out.  We've exercised more than recent months.  We've analyzed our time/talents/resources...

We want to be "intentional"...

... but we don't want others to think that we're too busy for them.

There's the rub.

Being intentional is one of the many things my fake gal-pal Jen Hatmaker rips apart in her newest book, "7".  Think I loved her before?  Oh, lawsy... that was just the tip of the iceberg.  It's like she took Dan's Simple Living and my communication style and they both had a baby and it's this book.  Tomorrow- or later this week, let's be honest- I'll give you a full "review" of some of the things I gained from "7".  But tonight I want you all to know these things:

1. Yes, I probably did get your email/message/text.
2. No, I'm not ignoring you.  (Or mad at you, right K?)
3. I honestly probably got distracted (hey look! a squirrel!) and forgot to respond.
4. No, I don't screen my calls when you call.  Well, maybe for you... but not everyone else.
5. Yes, I'm still working on those thank you notes to let you know how much I/we/E appreciated that thing you did for us/gave to us/whatever.
6. Yes, we are done with our Foster paperwork.  Now it's being sent to the state for approval.  We'll let you know when we hear something.

And finally (because good things come in 7's....)

7. Yes, I really would like to hang out.  I know you think I'm too busy for you because you see me frantically trying to get things done.  That just means I'm scattered... but not too busy for you.  Just ask me for coffee/wine/chocolate and I'll see what my calendar allows.

Night, y'all.  Off to do more laundry.

Overwhelmed.

It's one of those times, y'all.  My heart and my head are so overwhelmed with all that I'm learning, all that I'm praying, all that I'm feeling... there just aren't words.

So, rather than  even begin to put words around all *that*... why don't I show you some of God's goodness in my life?

Meet Bella.  E's "My Disney Girl" Doll that she got for Christmas.  Bella has given us hours of entertainment and joy.  And, yes, she'll go with us to Disney in a couple weeks.  

E has asked if she can pin trade, too.

What else happened at Christmas?  Oh, just this.  Yep.  Me... and BOTH OF MY PARENTS.  

For lunch on Christmas day.  I can dig it, y'all.

Also over Christmas? A visit from Ea.  Elizabeth was in heaven hanging out with my friend who has been my friend for almost 18 years.  Her response to the longevity of our friendship?  "Eighteen, Mommy?  EIGHTEEN?!?!?  That's how old Rapunzel is... and you've known her THAT long?"
True story, girl.

Then I went to Passion.  With 45,000 other people.  Including these two.  (And Kristian Stanfill.)  I learned, worshiped, and reflected.  I cried, laughed, and prayed.  And laughed some more.  The one downside of Passion is realizing that the girl on the left lives far, far away from me.  I need some of her goodness on a more regular basis.  Taiwan is a long way away...

E and Dan have been cooking up a storm lately.  The night of these pics he made calzones for us and E made her own pizza.  Half cheese, half crouton.  Yep.  You heard me right.  Wow.

 This weekend Dan and E went for a walk and came home with a friend in tow. 

The girls played super well together.

the slaw...

I made buffalo chicken sliders for a friend and kept some for us... seriously... Daddy's Blue Cheese Coleslaw makes this amazing....

And one closing shot to leave you with... Miss M let me take her photos on Sunday. 

I'm constantly amazed at how she's grown.  God is good, y'all.

2011, A Recap

 Inspired by my last years post... here we go:

Where we've been:
-Atlanta, for Passion 2011
-Disneyworld
-Spring Break tour: Charleston, Myrtle Beach, Oak Island
-Rwanda
-Ethiopia
-the bathroom in the DC Airport for longer than I care to admit
-Virginia to see old friends
-Maryland to see beautiful people get married
-Chapel Hill a handful of times
-Wilmington
-Tennessee
-Patton Avenue
-DSS
-St. Augustine
-Disneyworld (again)
-Disney Cruise

What we've gained:
-paperwork
-perspective
-pens
-confidence
-new friends
-a pretty polka dot bathing suit
-a lot of bird things

What we've lost:
-some gift cards
-patience
-some random socks


What we've learned:
-that we are not the most important thing
-that when your word for the year is "peace", the way you gain it is not necessarily the way you choose


What we've dropped the ball on:
-sending birthday cards
-sending thank you notes (this seems to be a theme)

What we're most thankful for:
-a chance to go to Africa
-our mariage
-the hope of new things in 2012

Happy New Year, friends.