Some days, you just can't plan...

Oh my word, y'all... my heart is overflowingly (it's a word, check it) full this morning.

We've had the blessing this week of some child-free time.  Elizabeth has been away at Cousin Camp and has been having a blast... while we've been enjoying date nights, long walks holding hands, sleeping late working like mad to get some order in our home.  (We kinda have enjoyed making it feel like a date... you know, a date *back* to Home Depot, a date to paint a room, a dinner date with friends who help us frantically move a treadmill and Ms. Pacman in order to get the room ready to paint...)  My heart (once I could get past Monday) has been full of peace and joy this week- in the midst of the chaos- as we continue to prepare our home for what's next.

Now, don't hear me say I'm not totally overwhelmed, 'cause I am.  But mainly I've enjoyed the calm of painting rather than my more normal routine.  I've enjoyed time to inventory my gift closet and my office.  I've enjoyed prolonged cups of coffee not interrupted by little feet coming downstairs demanding breakfast.  (But oh, how I've missed those feet, too!)  I've tried to make the most of every minute.

Monday: had a leisurely lunch with a girlfriend, then tackled my kitchen while another girlfriend sat and kept me company.
Tuesday: stayed in my PJs all day until time to go to Home Depot with Dan when he got home... all the while working like crazy upstairs.
Wednesday: paint, paint, paint downstairs... while listening to old episodes of Glee and 30 Rock.

Then along came Thursday.  My crunch day.  My last day to get things done before heading out of town. 

Yesterday was NOTHING like I'd intended. 
My morning started behind the 8-ball as I was running late for a breakfast date.  (Which, btw, was quite lovely on my new friend's screened in porch!  Oh, to not covet.)  I ran errands after breakfast, and had a brief pop-in visit with a neighbor who I've not seen in a while.  Then I hurried home to put on my painting clothes and finish work on the madness.

Just as I donned my new bummy-I-hope-no-one-sees-me-clothes, I saw two church friends walking up my sidewalk.  These friends are of the 8th and 9th grade variety... 2 girls who I have told numerous times to "come over any time!"  Guess what... they did.  We hung out for a while (after making sure it was okay with their mommas, of course) and they were joined by another kid from the youth group (who also checked in with his grandma, no worries).  While they were here I sent a quick message to one of our college students who was their youth intern this summer that said something like "hanging out with some of your cool kids!" and within 15 minutes he'd joined us.

3 hours (from the start of their visit) later, they all left.

Whoops.

Not sure I'd tackled my to-do list.

BUT!  While they were here, one of them and I started talking of our love of Glee and how we wanted to see the new movie.  I got online and found a midnight showing!  "Should" I go?  Heck no.  Did I go?  HECK YES!  I got our tickets squared away, and Dan and I went to run to the store then to dinner.

When I got home I had 4-ish hours before Glee time.  Whew.  Time to do that to-do list.  But because of my whole needing-rest-or-I'll-wheeze thing (stupid asthma), I opted to take a nap.  After the nap, I woke up, donned my very own McKinnley High School Glee Club T-shirt, drove to pick up my 13-y-o friend, and we went to see the SUPER fun movie.

I came home, tackled ONE THING on my to-do list, and "went to bed" (it was really a 3 hour nap.)

So, now, I'm getting ready to head out the door to go to Asheville.  And my to-do list isn't done.  A week ago, that might have thrown me for a loop.  But after all we've accomplished this week, the plan we put into place of how to finish said-list, and the peace in my heart, I'm okay with leaving it.

You see, I'd rather head out now to go to Asheville (!!!) then stay and finish up some of those things.  They will still be here when I get back.  And I am going to recharge my spirit.  My oldest friends blessed me with a spa gift certificate shortly after Mary died.  I told them that rather than using it alone, I'd save it and we could all 3 go together.  We decided we'd make a weekend of it (we've never "done" Asheville together- usually when we're home we're visiting family) and stay downtown.  So in a few short minutes, I'm off to surround myself with people I love, laughter, and mountains.  I get a quick visit in with Mom and Daddy, and one of my favorite UNCA students, too.  Other than that, I don't have a schedule.  We have spa appointments tomorrow, and dinner reservations tomorrow night.  My last 24 hours have shown me a taste of some un-scheduled fun... and have been just what I needed "to do". 

My list will be here when I get back.
And, hopefully... so will my peace.

Happy weekend, y'all.

For Discussion: peace

Back in January, I picked a "word" for my year.  I'd heard this idea on the radio and loved it.  I shared this concept with women at church and I shared it with my college student friends- we all picked our words for 2011.  This word was supposed to be something we prayed and focused on for ourSELVES this year- not something we prayed for our families, children, whatever.

My word is peace.

Funny, I'd forgotten that recently.  (I'm not so smart sometimes.)  During the summer months as our lives were filled with an overseas adventure, Summer BLOCK Party, and Foster Care training, I got sucked into lists and prayed for specific items- not for "peace".  Don't get me wrong- in lots of those specific items for which I was praying, "peace" was high on the list.  But I didn't even remember it was the word that was supposed to define my 2011.  (Read: not so smart.)

"word bags" at the retreat

At a retreat I hosted in February, I handed out bags to each woman in attendance that had their words embroidered on them.  I've been using mine since then.  But the other day I picked it up and- honest to God- thought "I wonder whose word this was?  Maybe someone left it here."  Right.  Peace.  It was MY word.  The word I'd chosen to pray, live, and create in 2011.

So, here we are a week into the month of August, and friends, I am craving peace.  This morning as I prayed for our family, God led me to this verse: The Lord gives his people strength, The Lord blesses them with peace. (Psalm 29:11)  Whew.  Oh, to make that true in my heart.  I believe it... now I want to live it.

I want to create peace in my home.

In fact, Dan had a conversation with someone recently who was having a hard time with the chaos of life.  This person told Dan that the secret to outliving the chaos was to have a moderately clean home and have people in it who say "I love you."  Both of those things we do well.  (Emphasis on the moderately clean part.)  I've been letting those words roll around in my mind lately and wondering how the home I've made does or does not show peace.

How I would love a home like this:

 I love the clean lines!  I love the "free from clutter" look!  It's not quite "warm" enough for me... but...

Or this:

Oh, y'all... how I want to have a cup of coffee on that couch.  Maybe I'd need to drink it in a sippy cup so as not to mess up the calm white theme... but...

Don't see these two examples and think I like a lack of color.  One of my newest dear friends lives in a home with lots going on- colors and children all over the place.  But her home is still peaceful- and I'm trying to bring that peace into my space.

While I was searching for "peaceful homes" on The Google this morning, I found this article.  Several of those things we do well: we have a "landing strip" for things that need to be attended to... but our landing "strip" has become a landing "room."  My friend Leigh Ann taught me years ago the joy of a made bed- she said it in a way that I heard well.  She told me that her brother taught her to make her bed every day so that even if the rest of your house is in clutter, you have one organized thing in your house to come home to.  Household plants?  Got it.  Totally agree.  Done it.

remember this?

So what works for you?  What rituals or routines do you do to ensure your home is peaceful?  I feel certain that my laundry skills do not create peace- but we're working on it.  I usually don't end with a question- but I really do want your response this time.  (And sidenote? Thanks for all of your comments that sounded like "How could someone not like you, Becky?  You are amazingly wonderful!" or junk like that from my last post.  At least that's how I read it.  You are all sweet.  And clearly you are not the people I was talking about.)  No, seriously... what do you do to maintain peace in your home.  I want tips, tactics, and thoughts on creating peace.

I'm starting my day praying to the God of Peace for Him to pour it into my life.  And as I do that, I am going to fold some laundry to bring some peace into my family.  Now... what about you?  Bring it on, people...

In July...

Looking back...

Chapel Hill road trip

oh, the bliss

why my Book Club rocks (and no, we weren't reading this book for our Book Club...)   (photo also titled: why I am in love with Kristina Ward.)

the Rockin' Book Club

my daughter, the photographer (with Dan's friend Anne)

my daughter, the crab.

my loves.

my silly girl

cute turtles.

and a gator.

 

my colors these days.

what makes a morning at the beach perfect.

in addition to the moon.

"All God's children singing 'Glory, glory, Hallelujah, He reigns'."

Tie-Dye Day ice cream break

mmmm....

all these girls were precious... but I could hardly handle R's face in this one.

 

FINGER PAINT!

gorgeous.

get it.

how I saw her...

how she saw me.

and the world through her eyes is quite lovely.

Happy August, y'all...

And then... there's radio silence.

Today, as I was catching up on other people's blogs, I realized that mine has been... well... quiet this month.  This post will make the 4th of the month, and that's not like me.  Especially in a time when God is rockin' my world as constantly as He is these days.

So why the radio silence?

I've fallen in to the trap that is unfortunate, but probably fairly common.  I've fallen into the "I'm concerned what you will think" trap.

Worry dolls... just for fun.

Let me clarify, though... I'm not worried what you will think about me.  Clearly, the things that I don't want people to know about me, I choose not to blog about.  While this often functions as a "life journal", it's not my real journal.  You don't get to know all the deep, dark things that are non-blog-appropriate in my life.  (And yes, friends, even Inappropriate Becky knows the difference.)  This blog, NOR my Facebook page are not the places to post said-deep-dark-things.  (I can't tell you how it kills me to read things on Facebook that should not be said there... well... anywhere for that matter.)

I'm not even concerned that this blog will make you not like me.  I feel certain there are some of you who come here just to receive a little burst of happiness from reading what a train wreck I really can be.  I used to think that I was friends with the world and that no one disliked me... then along came a girl in high school who proved me wrong in that area- she couldn't stand me- and I had to face that harsh reality.  I've had those people (you know, the 2 or 3) who don't like me follow me throughout life- shoot, I could even name a couple in my life now... and I'm okay with it.  Truly.  I don't love being un-liked, but I'm okay with it.

I have realized, though, that I am enmeshed with you people... and sometimes this here blog gets misread.  In fact, in the last few weeks, I've had people quote it back to us in ways it was not intended.  I've had my own words... my own thoughts spewed back to us as almost ammunition in ways with which I am not comfortable.  Now hear me out: this is not going to become a passive aggressive venue, either.  I'm not using a public forum to call people to the carpet on their inappropriateness.  But what I am doing is letting you know how my head has handled all of this... it's shut down a bit.

So, dear reader, here's your chance.  I'm giving you an out.  I'm offering you a chance to walk away from the train wreck without watching anymore of the drama.  Unfriend me on Facebook if it helps... Hide my blog... whatever you need to do to work through your issues with me. 

As for me, I'm back in the saddle.  I'm choosing to stand firm in the person that I am becoming.  I'm choosing to ride the roller coaster with those who love me.  I'm choosing to tell you ridiculous stories about my life- like how I've been to a tattoo parlor 3 times in the last six months (yep... and no ink.)  I'm choosing to share with you how every time we attend a MAPP (Foster training) class I get more and more excited about what craziness is getting ready to descend upon our house.  I'm choosing to let you see pictures of my mess- and choosing not to care what you think of it.

Here I am- again- warts and all.

In the last 48 hours, I've been to a Children's Museum, Krispy Kreme, a shopping spree, a MAPP class, "The Smurfs" movie, a science museum, the pediatrician, and back to the movies to see "Friends with Benefits"... and did I mention a tattoo parlor (and no, Mom, I don't have a tattoo.)  There's fun stuff going on in my life, people, and I'd love to tell you about it.  There's also some hard stuff... and we're working through all of that.  I'm thankful to have people on this journey with me. 

I'll be back soon, and I hope you will, too. 

(Coming soon, adorable pictures of E from the last week.  Now, who won't want to see that post?!?!)

Silence

In 1996, my friend Allison took me on a "Retreat of Silence".  Those of you who knew me in 1996 Anyone who knows me can understand that the "silence" part was a bit of a struggle for me.  My first experience with this was on a Saturday morning when Allison drove us to Chapel Hill Bible Church where we spent 2(ish) hours in a room together (NOT TALKING!) being silent.  Praying, reading, meditating... and, did I mention NOT TALKING?!?!

I'll admit, I wasn't "good" at it.

I'll also admit it was a practice that I needed, and have added to my disciplines on an ongoing basis.

Our College Ministry has also adopted this practice, and this past Saturday we took our Second Annual trip to Pilot Mountain for such a retreat.  Last year, we arrived to beautiful clear skies and gorgeous weather.

This was where Michelle was sitting before she got attacked by vultures.  True(ish) story.

When we arrived Saturday morning, a mist of rain had followed us the whole way there.  This was my view as I started my alone time.  (Note: our only "rule" is that you leave cell phone, iPods, and other distractions behind.  You can bring with you journals, books, Bibles, whatever.)

Not quite the sunny skies of last year, but still, gorgeous.  And, oh?  What's that?  Look at those pretty little puffs of clouds off to my right...

Pretty soon I remembered my basic science that clouds like that could mean... rain.

Just before I ran for cover, I snapped this self-pic:

I made my way to a shelter fairly quickly and there I found two of my favorite people.

My "silence" wasn't that anymore... Miss E kept stage-whispering wanting more paper, wanting to know how to spell "Michael", wanting to ask if I was done praying yet.  Suddenly my "retreat" felt a lot like normal life.  This is what I deal with if she is ever awake when I am having a Quiet Time.  I'm not going to lie- my first response was that I was exasperated.  Seriously, I'd craved this time for so long... and now it's like any ol' morning.  Zeesh.  Then I remembered that one of my favorite things of leading College Ministry is that my daughter gets to live life with these students... and even in my own frustration, I needed to model for her what this morning could look like.

The rain let up and I left E with Dan (their MO on these mornings is to hike... I wasn't shirking my responsibilities, promise) and went off in search of more "quiet" areas.  I stumbled upon some lovely moments.

This bird and I hung out for quite a while.  Since we've entered this Foster process, I've been drawn to trees and birds.  There is something about both of them that captures what's going on in my heart about loving those kids we don't yet know.  So I sat and watched and listened to this little guy... praying for those children who are in the process of hurting right now.

Saturday was a perfect example to me of how God wants us to function in our current situation in life.  It's not what I'd planned (sunny days!), it's not what I thought I needed (extended time alone!), but it's what I got from the whole thing that blessed my day. 

And, bonus?  I got to experience it with some people I love a lot... even if one of them is wearing a silly ol' Dook shirt.

Don't say I never gave you anything...

I'm here to bestow on you a very, very important lesson.

Don't leave a wine bottle in the freezer.

We had some friends over for dinner last night and ran out of white wine that was chilled.  I put a very classy bottle of Two Buck Chuck in the freezer for a jump start in cooling, then was going to switch it to the fridge.

Whoops.

I forgot.

So, just now as I went to get out something for lunch, I found this bottle:

Here's the crazy part- it uncorked itself.  Yep.  Apparently Mr. Shaw did not appreciate the pressure change in my freezer.

There's your helpful hint on this Thursday afternoon.

You're welcome.

Sale! Sale! Sale! (kinda)

So, one thing I learned on my African Adventure was that things are done a little different there than here.   Timelines aren't exactly the same.  Deadlines aren't exactly the same.  Shoot, time in general isn't exactly the same...

Yep, that says 9:60.  It went up to 9:75 then rolled over.  I was a wee bit confused.

In that same fashion, my communication with my friends in Kigali has looked different than what we would normally have here in the US.  Here, we would have contracts, business models, spread sheets.  There, they have handshakes and transfers of goods on faith.

So when I got an email from my contact there on Friday saying "We need you to contact ___ in one hour.  He needs to send all the money from the sales of pens with a friend who is coming to Kigali," I wasn't surprised... yet I was a wee bit stressed.  I've been  trying to set up my website to "properly" sell these pens, brainstorming the best way to make a legit move into the world of crafts and human aid, and, well, haven't sold them all.

I only had about 1/3 of the goods sold to send to the man whose friend was going to Kigali.

Hmmm.

I'm not "bothered" by this, because I know if I a.had the website functional or b.had an open house of sorts, the pens will/would go in a heartbeat.  What does bother me is that now there is a man in Colorado who is waiting for a check from Kwishima that does not exist.

So... here is where I use the power of the interwebs.

1. If you've been thinking about making a donation to these women, now is the time to do it.

2. If you've been thinking about purchasing some pens, now is the time to do it.

3. If you'd like to "pre-order" merchandise from the next shipment (which should be here in 2 weeks!), that'd be awesome.  (I'm apparently getting more pens, some necklaces, and a few more items... which will be featured on my then-fully-functioning-website.)

4. If you'd like to donate a couple hours to sit with me and help me fix my website issues, that'd be awesome, too.

Those of you who are local, I will be having an Open House when this next shipment gets in, but we're not sure when it will arrive.  This is one of those "trust the unknown" things which causes similar chest pain to the kind I had in Africa... but I am fairly sure that came from having to eat ridiculous quantities of Slim Jims.

So, friends of Kwishima... can you help?  ALL of your money goes directly to these women.  It provides food, clothing, medicine, and care for their families.  I'd be grateful if you did... and they'd be ecstatic.

I've even added a widget so you can see how much we're raising... I'd love to blow the top off the thermometer... and rejoice.  (How to help: if you are in town, message me and I'll deliver pens to your house/pick up your donation.  If you are out of town, message me with your order- ## of pens, and I'll ship them to you.  If you'd like to make a donation, you can do that through my Paypal account using my email address.  If you don't have that, please message me and I'll get it to you!)

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