perspective

These days, I constantly feel like I am evolving/gaining new perspective/growing up/processing.  Since March of 2010, our Safe Little Johnston World has been thrown into a giant blender and been shaken up... beyond "repair".  Gone are the days when we could ignore the obvious.  Gone are the days where we were more important than those around us.  Gone are the days where we could be... well... selfish.

Don't get me wrong... I still try to be selfish.  A lot, actually.  Then someone jerks a knot in my tail and reminds me of what's really important.

Which is why taking a "Babymoon" feels a little silly.

Let me insert a couple of things here to update you:
-- I am not pregnant.  Not that sort of "Babymoon".  But we are in the process of being approved to Foster, and we know that soon our family will not travel as easily as it does now.

-- Money, money, money.  Those of you who know us know that we are constantly "aware" of our finances.  We spent the first several years of marriage in a not-so-good spot financially.  We made silly decisions.  We got into some debt.  Then we became "broke". "Broke" is a relevant term, my friends, because we were not truly broke.  We had money to get by, and what we didn't have we were able to find.  Basically, we didn't have money to do a lot of fun things that other people our age did.

In fact, I got really good at being "broke".  I owned it.  I became so used to not having money that I felt like I had to justify everything I did.  "We're going on vacation because my family is paying for it" or "Dan got me that new camera because he found a super good deal on it"... not just saying "we're going on vacation" or "Dan got me a new camera."  It was like I owed it to an audience (in my head) of people (in my head) who were going to judge every financial decision we made (in my head.)

Some of that was warranted.  Along the way, we had people who questioned our finances.  Shoot, for that matter, they still do.  But most of that was me feeling the need to verbally reconcile my own issues to anyone who would listen.  And some of that is being a good shopper.  I wanted to share my experience- in fact, just last week at the outlets at the beach we bought Elizabeth 3 pairs of shorts, 1 pair of pants, 1 set of leggings, 2 shirts, 1 sweater, and 1 dress for $12.46.  YES!  $12.46!!  Shoppers everywhere want to share that kind of VICTORY with the WORLD!  (God bless The Children's Place.)

Back to this idea of a "Babymoon"...

In looking at our next phase of life, we've decided to go on a trip during some time that Dan has off in the next month.  We've realized that we will never again have such a perfect segment of time where the stars line up for us to be gone... and, hee hee, we got a great deal. 

So why has my mind been all over the place in the last week about our upcoming journey?

Because, quite plainly, the last 19 months have been life changing... and it feels silly to do something so "US-focused" in the midst of how we use our time and resources to care for other people.

All of this was a jumbled mess in my head over the last week as we discussed whether or not to travel... then it hit me... the biggest difference in being spoiled and being blessed is my perspective.  And maybe it hit me because Dan said in a sentence, "the biggest difference in being spoiled and being blessed is your perspective."  Huh.  The things you learn in marriage...

God has been so good to my family.  He has been faithful even when we have not.  He has been restorative in the dark times.  He has been front and center of the celebrations.  And now?  Guess what?  He's going to be with us on vacation in a few weeks.

I. Could. Not. Be. More. Excited.

And, oh yeah, you read that right... while we were on vacation with my family we planned our next vacation.  Now that, my friends, just might be a wee bit spoiled... but I'll just consider it uber-blessed.