Being Spoiled.

I've been working recently to be aware of my junk.  Not necessarily to try and fix it all yet... but to be aware of it so that God can begin healing some of that junk in my life.  In years past, most of my junk has looked like this: INSECURITY.  But low and behold, He's gotten me past a lot of that.  (Don't hear me say I'm cured of it, just know that I'm a lot better.)  Lately my junk has been all over the place- chaotic, hurt, desperate, and spoiled.

The irony of the spoiled part just kills me.  I have spent hours talking with Elizabeth about not being spoiled.  We are hyper-aware of the danger stereotype of having an only child.  Both Dan and I have siblings, so we've never seen how to raise an only child.  We've seen what the media portrays as an only child... and it looks a little something like this:

I do not want my child to fall down the "bad egg" shute.

Last week, we had one of those Veruca Salt moments.  E had been promised a "Smurf Day" with her friend.  They were going to go to Build-A-Bear and make Smurfs, have Smurf Happy Meals for dinner, and watch a Smurf DVD before a Smurftastic Sleepover. 

Ummmm... Build-A-Bear is sold out of Smurfs.  And Happy Meals have seen their last Smurf days.

My child, who can often handle things like this, did NOT handle this announcement well.  We were at a playground with some friends when I found out and told her and she promptly proceeded to sob.  I mean cry like she'd hurt herself kind of tears.

Fortunately, I wasn't as worried about the appearance of it- I told you before that God had been working on my insecurity.  What I *was* worried about was the heart issue of it all.  Really, Elizabeth?  You're still going to go to Build-A-Bear, you're still going to go out to eat, you're still going to get a sleepover.  Can you not get it together for one second to realize how fortunate you are?

We left the playdate and had a one-on-one chat over lunch.  That meltdown has resulted in an incredible transition in my girl's actions.  She has responded to things with a renewed gratitude and attitude.  I am so proud of how she's caught herself before whining.  The result was worth the time spent teaching, for sure.

As I've been focused on correcting/addressing her spoiled-ness, God's reminded me of my own.  I have a spoiled schedule.  I have a child who sleeps late... a husband who shares responsibilities with childcare (and never calls it babysitting) so that I can have lots of time to myself or with friends... an ability to get my needs met in a reasonable amount of time.  While those things are not bad at all, I can easily slip in to the spoiled category myself.  But just like I told E, it's my heart condition that matters.  Yes, we both will likely continue to be blessed- either with Build-A-Bear opportunities or time to go on a Girls' Weekend.  But when we expect those things to happen rather than acknowledge and appreciate the blessing, we miss the blessing and focus on the event.

In this season of life, I am committed to enjoy those blessings.  I am committed to be thankful for those blessings.  I am committed to share my blessings.  I want to be grateful, not spoiled.  I am also aware that some of those blessings will look drastically different when our Foster Children arrive... even more reason to appreciate and enjoy them now.

Being aware of my junk: BEING SPOILED- is just the starting point.  Transferring that spoiled-ness to gratitude is a daily journey.  Now, let me get back to my coffee before my child wakes up.  Yes, it's nearly 9:00am.  (Spoiled, I tell ya...)