Modern Family

December 8, 1990- My Daddy and Mary got married.  Mary became my Non-Evil Step Mother... and brought with her to my life two "Step Sisters": Leslie and Leigh.

One of the things that always cracked me up about Mary was that she always referred to her girls by full name- in the beginning she always said "Leslie Piercy" and "Leigh Piercy", and then later referred to them by their married names.  Really, Mary?  Because I thought you were talking about other Leslies and Leighs?  It was almost as if she assumed I didn't know them.

Oh, wait... I didn't.

Well, that's not totally true.  We'd all grown up at the same church, but since we had an (at that time) age difference, they were out of the youth group before I ever got in it.  And while their names were well known at my high school, we never were there at the same time.  When Daddy and Mary got married, I was the baby in the family.  Both Leslie and Leigh were already out of high school and not living at home.  Chris (my brother) was still there, but it wasn't long before he left for NC State.  So I was the only one around 28715 to be part of their marriage from the perspective of a kid with newly remarried parents.  I would see Leigh and Leslie occasionally when I was at Daddy and Mary's house, but not much.

When I got to college, Leslie married Bob, and I came home for that wedding.  When Leigh married Mike, I'm guessing I was too busy living my very important life to be there, but I remember hearing all about it.

Then, when my trips home became less regular (remember: very important life going on), the girls were always so gracious to give me "alone" time with Daddy and Mary when we were there.  By this point they were both living near them, so they had more regular "access" to them, and allowed me to have more un-interrupted time while I was around.  Over the years we only overlapped occasionally... I can only remember one "family" dinner in all the 20 years they were married.

I knew them by word only, yet I still feel like I knew them.  Mary (and Daddy, for that matter) never stopped talking about what was going on in their lives, and then later when you threw children in the mix, I grew to "know" them even more.

I remember sometime over the last 2 years being at Daddy and Mary's house and Leslie dropped by to show them something Maddy (her daughter) had written for school.  We hung out briefly, and in that moment I remember thinking "it's a shame we don't know each other... I think we would really get along."

You know what?  I was right.

I had the extreme honor of spending the last week of Mary's life not only with her, but with her beautiful daughters... my Step Sisters... too.  We "holed up" (how's that for a good mountain term?) in Mary's room at The Solace Center and, well, got to become family.  After all these years.  We told stories, we laughed, we cried, we prayed, we shared scripture, and we loved.  We learned, together, how each of us benefited from the marriage of our parents.  We talked about our current lives as well as our past.  We told funny stories about our children.  We told funnier stories about our parents.  We celebrated successes (Bob became an Iron Man last weekend!  All hail King Bob!)  We celebrated birthdays.  We talked about people we shared in common.  And we talked about the days to come... and what our worlds would look like... without the physical presence of Mary in our daily lives.

I cannot begin to imagine what that world will be like.  Even now as I write this, it's hard to see the screen for the flood of tears that emerges when I try.  My heart continues to ache for my Daddy, for the girls, for our children... but it does rejoice for Mary.  I know that now as she is healthy in heaven (and can hear clearly!) she will be laughing and loving at the feet of Jesus.  If she was cognizant at all in her last days, I know she left this earth with a full heart hearing all her girls laughing and telling stories.  And while I don't know what the next few days, months, years will hold... I know that as we figure out this new life, I won't be alone.

I will have the love and support of my Step Sisters.

While I don't have a pic of the girls to share with you, 

I can't help but show off this lovely picture of Daddy and Mary on my wedding day.

Mary Waldrup

March 29, 1945- November 10, 2010

http://andersrice.com/memorial.mgi?id=2455512.39873843

I am so important, you will want to read this. Volume 2.

I am leaving in a few hours to go home to be with Mary and Daddy... Mary has been admitted to the Hospice Care center in Asheville.  The last week has been an emotional roller coaster.  So, to distract my brain before I head out, I thought I'd give you a distraction, too....  (Why on earth do you people continue to read this crap?)

Ahem...

1. I changed my passwords recently to my "big" accounts, and now I can't remember what they are.  So I change them again.  And then can't remember what they are.  (Vicious cycle, repeat repeat.)

2. I sent someone an email today about being able to kiss Jon Stewart flat-footed, because he's so short.  Three things about this you should realize: a. I know how tall he is, b. I may or may not have thought through what kissing him would entail, c.my husband is not super tall, so I kinda stand flat-footed to kiss him, too.

3. I love the smell, look, and feel of a clean house.  Sadly, mine doesn't make it there often enough.

4. I read, on average, one book a week.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.  That's why it's called "average".

5. I did better at math than verbal on my SAT.  Weird, huh?

6. One of my best gifts ever was in 2001 when, for my birthday, people wrote me letters about our friendship.  I'm thinking about asking for that again.  You have 33 days, people... get to writing.

7. My BFF from high school and I are going to be together on Saturday night.  Watch out, we might roll your yard.

8. Speaking of... my mom drove me to the house for the first yard I ever rolled.  Along with some friends.  On a morning, on the way to school.

9. In addition to Jon Stewart, right now I am in love with a 2 month old baby boy named Will.  I almost kidnapped him last night, then again today.

10. I get fired up when I hear that people underpay babysitters.  (Friend keeping Elizabeth tomorrow afternoon?  This does not apply to you. :)  Thanks!)

11. I am horrible about getting books then not reading them.  This does not apply to fiction.  This is only "real" books that make me "think".   I blame the Book Table at Windy Gap for starting this bad habit.

12. I am having a Christmas Party this year complete with a Wind Quintet.  And I am not joking.

13. I pulled out my 2002-2003 calendar this week and have been reading it like it's a novel.  I can tell you when I went to Chili's with Heather, when I had my "first date" with Laurie, when I went to Lucky 32 with Carrie and Brian, and when I passed out and spent the morning in the ER.

14. I keep all my old calendars.  (Need a good read?  I'll gladly let you check one out.)

15. I love office supplies.

16. I hate coconut.

17. I don't use the phrase "LOL" but I actually do it a lot when reading things.

18. I do, however, use that dern smiley face a lot. :)  And it kinda gets on my nerves. :)

19. When I get attached to college students and they leave college ministry, I mourn.

20. I hate cancer.

Stay tuned, people... there's always more to come.  (Seriously... why do you keep reading this?  I am a waste of your time.)

(But thanks.)

Whine, Wine, and Weigh... Success!

Okay, Viral Friends...

My fun post about needing people to commit to getting healthy with me... WORKED!  Tonight I enjoyed pumpkin dip, spiced apple cider, wine, and good company.  There were 8 of us tonight... and as I just created the FB Group for us, it looks like we could potentially have 17 people!

Here's the deal:  We are committing to weigh in every other week (together... we can do more weighing separate from that) and support each other in our desires to be healthy.  Everyone's goals were different- they ranged from losing 20 pounds-- to "getting my mind right"-- to strengthening will power-- to exercising 3 days a week.  What a joy to share REAL life with these women!  (I handed out sheets to help you journal foods... let me know if you'd like copies!)

If you are interested in joining us, let me know and I'll add you to our "private" FB Group.  Right now, we're getting to know each other and posting what our goals are.  We are going to check back in 2 weeks, see how it's going, and decide if we want to include some sort of incentive.

One of the goals someone stated was "Get healthy so we can be old"... when you Google that, you find this lady (among others.)  So I leave you with our new mascot.  Let me know if you want to hang out with us- in person or virtually.

To Air is Human

I had a conversation with someone recently about how so many people we know (or vaguely know) seem to spend a lot of time "Putting on Airs".  It's amazing how we want people to think certain things about us, whether they are true or not....

This made me think of a conversation that my college roommate and I used to have about wondering what people were really thinking.  My roomie said she wished we all had signs across our foreheads that told everyone else what was really going on in our minds.  I said I was glad that we didn't.  Hee hee...

So, for a Monday afternoon activity, put your "Airs" aside and comment about what's really going on in your sweet little head.  Tell us who you really are... when all the masks are off.

I'll start:
I'm a Momma who questions her parenting constantly, then feels comfortable with her decisions, then gets jacked up again.  I love my husband tons and love my marriage more.  I want you to like me, and I want to make you laugh.  I am constantly "behind" and often disorganized.  But overall, I think I'm a good time.

Your turn....

My Non-Evil Step-Mother

My Step-Mother has always referred to herself as my "Evil Step-Mother"... but she's really not evil.  I promise.

My Dad married my brother's kindergarten teacher.  That's not as taboo as it sounds... Chris had Mary as a teacher in '77 or so, and Mary didn't marry my Daddy until 1990.  I grew up knowing Mary... er, Mrs. Piercy.  She was the teacher that you had sign your yearbook even if you didn't have her as a teacher.  She always signed on the yearbook entry... but she put a smiley face in the palm.  She lost part of her hearing as a child and became fluent in sign language.  She started a sign language ministry at our church (yes, I grew up at the same church that she attended) and even later taught our youth group to sign "Love In Any Language."  I've kind of just always known her.


She let me learn how to drive in her Thunderbird... she would lean the seat back and let me drive the whole way to Waynesville for my first job.

She's taken up a million different hobbies in the last 20 years that she's been my Step-Mom.  She's antiqued, knitted, beaded, sewed, clogged... I can't even begin to keep straight all of the "things" she's done.  In each of them she's included us- she's made me whatever the craft of the day was or bought me treats from her eBay addiction.

Most importantly, she's loved my Dad.  Those of you who know him know what a hard job this is. :)  She's helped him quit smoking, cut back on drinking, and behave in public.  She said to him once "I made it 40 some years without you, I can do it again."  And she meant it, so he straightened up.

In 1990, right when they got engaged, she told me "I'm not looking to be your mom.  You've got a good one of those.  I'm going to be your Dad's wife, and I'd like to be your friend.  Let's figure out how to do this together."  And she stuck to her word.

It's been awkward to have a Step-Mother.  In fact, for years, I referred to her as "My Dad's Wife".  This was meant as no disrespect to Mary, but more out of care for my mom.  I didn't want to give Mary a similar title to Mom and have Mom think I was somehow replacing her prime spot in my life.  But thanks to Mary's gentle way of "making things work", she gradually became a Step-Mother to me... never stepping into Mom's role, but creating one of her own.


7 years ago, Mary got diagnosed with breast cancer.  She had skipped mammograms for several years and found "something" on one that turned out to be cancer.  I got that phone call while I was at Happy Hour at Village Tavern with Dan and some of my girl friends.  Over the years, her diagnosis has gotten better and worse.  The cancer has spread to other spots in her body, and then the cancer has seemed to shrink.  Good phone calls and bad phone calls.  After one bad phone call, I started this blog.

At Supper Club a few months ago, I got another phone call.  Daddy said "This is it, Doodle.  Mary is dying."

Just before Bunko in September, I got another phone call.  He told me they were stopping treatment and that they were going to call in Hospice.

And today I got another phone call.  While I was at the pool here at the beach.  Daddy told me that it appears to be the "bitter" end.  "Bitter" for us, because I cannot imagine a life without Mary.  In the weeks to come (it appears that we only have weeks left, a month at most), I will try to spend as much time as possible with this woman who has been a part of my life for... well... my whole life.  She entered it as Mrs. Piercy and now is a whole 'nother role altogether.

But this is not a "bitter" moment for Mary.  In fact, when the doctor told them that there wasn't much more they could do, Mary turned to Daddy and said, "I'm ready for this.  Are you?"  She told me years ago when things looked bleak that she has the best spot in this mess.  Then she told me worst case: she dies... and gets to be with Jesus.  Best case: she lives... and gets to spend more time with us... before being with Jesus.  I'd say she does have the best spot, for sure.

I'm not sure what the next several weeks will entail.  But I do know that I am thankful for every single day that I've been able to call Mary the title of my Non-Evil Step-Mother.

 Whatever that "title" means....

(Sidenote?  I sent Mary a text while we were at Disney World of my picture with Cinderella's Evil Step-Mother.  She said "That can't be your Step-Mother!  That hag has hair!")

Whine, Wine, and Weigh

Okay... here's my huge-o split personality blog post of the year.

First of all, let me tell you that we have eaten some AMAZING food this trip.  We have had our standard vaca restaurants over the last 29(ish) years we've been vacationing here.  We've added some, gotten rid of some, and gone to some of the same standards year after year.  This year, we've shaken things up.  Thanks to Trip Advisor, we found this gem where we ate on the first night:

 Appetizer extraordinaire: fried green tomatoes and homemade pickles

 Ridiculously good shrimp and grits.

Oh, and they have Cornhole which E played while we were waiting for our food...

Day two: Bluffton Seafood and Arts Festival.  Holy goodness.

We wandered past a Gullah booth and I got a cup of shrimp and grits (best I've EVER had... and yes, I'd just had some the night before) and collard greens.  Simply amazing.

Monday, we ate at Salty Dog.  I don't have pictures of my (eat-it-every-year-even-though-it's-no-longer-on-the-menu) Buffalo Shrimp... but let's just say that there's a reason I order the same thing each year.  

Tuesday was my mom's birthday, and thanks to the new friend I made at the playground in this post, we got cupcakes from Sweet Carolina.  Yum.  Mom chose to eat at Frankie Bones.  More yum.

Yesterday, thanks to a Facebook suggestion, we went to Roast Fish and Cornbread.  HOLY COW.  Tasty goodness.  (Sadly, no pictures, though...)

Today, we took our annual pilgrimage to Paula Deen's "The Lady and Sons" in Savannah.  Gluttony at it's best.  (I mainly took these pictures to harass my cousin Keith.  He was jealous of my day.)

 (I'm leaving Dan for the collards and limas, btw)

 E sporting some Gooey Butter Oreo Cake...

Now, I haven't mentioned all the walking we've been doing.  I don't have pics of the healthy things we've eaten, and we have.  But I also don't have pics of our other HHI treat: fudge.  (My mom loves it, and this is the one place we tend to eat enough for the next 11 months of fudge-less life.)

I need elastic waist pants just reading this.  Oh, wait... I've got them on.

Which brings me back to the heart of the matter.  Remember this post?  I do.  In fact, today I've already deleted 3 pictures we took today in Savannah because my face looks too much like that girl.  Ugh.

You ready to do something with me about it?

After many comments to me about that post, I'm ready to get going... with you (locally and via the internet) if you are ready to join me.

This Monday (post-vaca start up!), if you are in town, join me at my house for some Wine, Whine, and Weigh.  (Don't know where I live?  Well, I'm not going to post it here.  Email me.  I'll get you there.)  7:30pm.  I've got a game plan, and I'd love you to join me.  Let me know if you'll make it and I'll be sure to have enough wine (and moral support) for you.  

And, don't have enough to read online these days?  Check out these responses to a recent post on fatties.  Just love it.

http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/2010/10/ive-got-your-counterpoint-right-here-marie-claire.html

http://thepolymathchronicles.blogspot.com/2010/10/marie-claire-you-are-dead-to-me.html

Oh, our alma mater... love thee we do...

Tonight, my mom and I went to see "You Again"... the super silly movie about high school rivalries.  Cute, fun, mindless.

Did I mention that I am at Hilton Head?  And have I told you that this is where I came for Senior Week with my high school BFFs?

Yep.

In the movie, like most high school movies, someone talks about how those 4 years were hell for them and how they were dying to get out.  Here's my big "secret": I loved high school.  Like, loved it with a big fat Sharpie red heart around it on my Trapper Keeper.  Those of you who went to school with me might remember... it was super fun .  I had amazing friends, was involved in 900 clubs, had the perfect (well, 2 perfect) church experience(s), dated some great guys, and all around just enjoyed it.  I was one of the "good kids" (truthfully) and didn't have a drink until coming here... to this very spot... Senior Week in high school.  Sitting a few hundred feet away from where I am right now, a boy named Josh asked me if I'd like a drink.  I said "no".  Then I thought about it... and said "maybe".  The maybe turned into a "yes" and I chose a path that I would walk for the next year.

I lost a lot of my identity in those next 13 months... I teeter-tottered between who I really was and who I thought I should be to be "Fun Becky".

Let's go back just a little further than high school- Middle School SUCKED.  I hated it.  HATED it.  And, yes, even now as I'm teaching Elizabeth that we don't use the word "hate"... it totally applies here.  Sixth grade I entered Middle School not knowing anything about cliques.  At my Elementary School just months before, the only cliques we had were the smelly kids and the non-smelly kids on the bus.  (One more sidenote?  Even now, God is calling me to hang with the smelly kids... so while I was unable to see it then, I should have chosen my seat on the bus differently.  But I'd get there eventually...)  So I walked in, unknowingly, to Enka Middle and began the precarious role of a girl who wanted to fit in.  I remember my first day of school coming home and saying to my mom, "I need a curling iron... I'm not sure why, but I just know that I do."  I began to curl my bangs (seriously... why?), I began to think more about where my clothes came from, and I began to blow off the people who would not "help" my social ladder climb.

I. was. miserable.

It was so much work... and it was not me.

Eighth grade, Mrs. Wagner pulled me aside and told me what she saw in me that I had to offer to the world and gave me the courage to "do" Student Council.  (That decision alone made such a huge difference in my life... including leading me to my future husband... but that is a post for another day.)  At this point in my school career, I made a decision to rest my tense shoulders and quit living for other people, but to just be... me.

Know what?  It worked.

High school was a good time... and I enjoyed (most) every moment of it.

Then, Summer of 94 hit, and that decision to once again live for other people... had I not learned?  The beginning of college for me was like a repeat of Middle School.  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.  I began searching out who I "should" be... not who I really was.  I constantly compared myself to other people- how they looked, their GPAs, their boyfriends... and I became, once again, not satisfied with who I was.

Through a series of events, I reclaimed my identity... and while it gets tweaked with time, I feel like I can truly say now: "What you see is what you get."  I claim my awkwardness, my ridiculous mistakes, and my (in the words of Renee') actions that make the nuns blush.

But after seeing movies like tonight I wonder this: whose life did I jack up in high school?  Was there someone I made feel "small" because of my words or actions?  Was I part of the reason that someone else was dying to get out of EHS?  If so, I am sorry.  I am deeply and honestly sorry.  While I can (in all 16-years-later-humility) say that I did run with the popular kids... I pray that I wasn't like the stereotypes I see in movies.  I never saw us that way in the early 90s, and I'm hopeful that my (sketchy) memory isn't failing me here.  But if I did leave a nasty impression on your high school experience... I am so, so sorry.

Tomorrow, I'll sit at the very pool we sat at in 1994 thinking we were tough stuff and so grown up... and I'll see sweet Elizabeth swimming there... and now, I'll say extra prayers for her future.  I'll not just be praying that someone won't make her a Screwdriver on her Senior Week trip.  (Who are we kidding?  She won't be going!  Or, she'll have her Mom, Aunt Misty, and Aunt Christy tagging along...)  What I'll pray for her is that as she stumbles through adolescence she will be kind.  She will be genuine.  And she will be HERSELF... and be cool with that.  It's so much easier that way.