In search of more peace...

One of the greatest gifts I was given in life is my counterpart- Dan.  Those of you who know us well know our story: dated two and half months, got engaged, and were married at our six month dating anniversary.  (Gasp!)  My college minister said (when I called to tell her a.about Dan and b.that we were getting married, "That is so you, Becky!"  Really?  Is it?  Cause I was sure shocked, too...)  I still attest to this day that Dan wasn't my "type".  But clearly, he sure was... because what was a good fit back in 1999/2000 sure is a good fit now.

Dan is my sounding board.  When everything went down in Rwanda, I wept in my room one day because I couldn't debrief it with him.  Later, I told a friend this and she said, "oh, because you wanted someone to debrief it all with?" and I said, "no... because I wanted Dan to debrief it all with." 

We were at an engagement party this weekend and the bride and I caught a moment away where she shared how overwhelmed she is to comprehend how much her groom loves her... and loves her unconditionally.  It made me feel all those mushy-gushy new love feelings, and made me come home to talk it over with Dan.  The running joke in our marriage is "Here's to Good Enough."  There have been moments where Good Enough was all we were able to muster... where physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially "good enough" was all we could do.  Yet the beautiful part about our Good Enough is that when you put both of ours together, our Good Enough becomes pretty great.

Lately, my brain has been on overload learning and relearning life.  All of that process is not yet ready for blog-words, but it's been healthy and it's been good.  I am thankful that as I relearn, I have my sounding board right there with me.  Dan encourages me toward peace.  He wants to partner with me to put our family in right perspective.  He wants our time, energy, and resources to be used for the greater good.  For that, I am most thankful.

Yesterday morning, all 3 of us were lying in bed before church talking about our day.  Elizabeth asked if we could go for a walk and Dan said, "Why don't we go for a walk... in Asheboro?  Let's go worship God there and check out all the cool animals He's made..." and off we went.

Sometimes we need people to push us toward peace.  Yesterday, mine was found evidenced my a sweaty face and tired feet about an hour southeast of here.  My Good Enough gets better each day... and I'm so thankful God knew better than I did that Dan really is my type after all.

Peace to you.

Dear Elizabeth, This is why I love your Dad.

Dear Elizabeth,

Today I read yet another poignant devotion by Jen Hatmaker.  (I know, I know... by the time you'll be reading this, I'm sure Jen will have decided to move to Winston-Salem to be one of my Besties... or, quite possibly, I'll be in some women's prison after violating a restraining order she placed against me.  I'm kind of obsessed with her.  Missed the link yesterday to her latest book?  Here is is again.)

Today, sweet girl, she gently reminded me how important it is to tell you how much I love your daddy.  Truthfully, I likely would have been better served to read that yesterday, but I digress.  Today it reminded me that a house divided will not stand... so let me tell you why we are a house united.

Your daddy and I started flirting around Halloween 1999.  The beginning of November (yep, like whole-days later) I ended up in the hospital due to an asthma attack... and your daddy, the med student, came and asked me out.  Your Mimi was thrilled he asked me out- not that she'd met him or anything- but because he was a med student.  (I think she was ready to be done with footing my bill and saw dollar signs in her daughter's future... at the time she didn't realize he was called to a psychiatrist to people who can't always pay for his services.)

I'm gonna be honest- while I was thrilled at the possibility of a date with a fun boy I'd been flirting with, I was a little hesitant:

• He was wearing a fugly (don't use that word, E) red sweater at the time he asked me out.
• He went to Duke.  (seriously.  ugh.)
• He was way shorter than the guys I'd dated before who were much more "my type".

But I went... and then here is where things got even funnier:

• He came to pick me up in his mini-van.  (yep.)
• I offered to pay for dinner... and he freakin' let me.  (yep.)
• He spent most of dinner telling me about some "rich" friends of his family and how smart he was (see above: Duke... ugh.)

Not much reason for Date #2?  Given those facts... you're right.  But while we were at the theater (score one for your Dad!  Not the movie theater, but the North Carolina Theater where saw "The Music Man"!) we sat behind a mom and her little girl- who actually happened to be about the age you are now.  Your daddy turned to me and said "I can't wait to have kids one day.  Do you want to have kids?"  At the time it seemed perfectly natural that he'd mention this.  But it was on a first date.  Seriously.  Guys don't do that... usually until way later.  Looking back at this I realize how this was the hand of God in our relationship... He tempered all of the things your Daddy did that were "odd" to me by giving this small insight into your Daddy's heart.

What I saw was this: A guy who was not afraid of looking like he's anticipating a family, even when it's not so cool to admit things like that... especially on a first date. And I chose to get to know that guy a little better... then I discovered these things:

• Someone who loves to explore new places... which is why our road trips take extra long.
• Someone who makes me laugh at ridiculous things... which is why Funniest Home Videos is not automatically turned off now- it's worth it to watch your Daddy laugh.
• Someone who knows lots of things about lots of things (and maybe even thinks he knows more than he really does sometimes, but we'll keep that our little secret.)
• Someone who is an amazing cook.
• Someone who wants to share all we have with people who need it.
• Someone who doesn't care about being in a part of medicine that is not as well respected as others... because he knows this is how he can impact the lives of his patients by living out what he, specifically, is called to do.
• Someone who randomly quotes grammar "rules" when I misuse grammar... and now I quote the same rules, too.  (Condition to contrary fact requires future tense.)
• Someone who understands that even though I'm a huge extrovert, my introvert side needs to recharge by being alone... and gladly uses those times to be with you and teach you new things.
• Someone who understands that I'm a huge extrovert, and gladly uses time when I'm off being social to be with you and teach you new things.
• Someone who understands that I need to be with him (without you!) and gladly pays for babysitters.
• Someone who takes my job as a stay-at-home mom seriously, and sends me thank you notes occasionally to remind me just how important it is.
• Someone who "gets" Glee.
• Someone who has gone to numerous Barenaked Ladies and James Taylor concerts because he appreciates my love of them... and who gladly opted out of Jay-Z for the same reason.
• Someone who was willing to send me off to Washington, DC with one of my besties even though he was dying to be there, too, because he knew it was important for me to have that chance.

And most importantly:

 

• Someone who loves God most, and you and me next.  We've been trying to teach you this truth lately, Miss E, and your Daddy does a good job of showing you.  He has admitted to you how hard it is to say he loves God more than us, but he's working on it each day.  And because of that example, we can work on it, too.  He loves you so much... and that makes me love him more because of it.

I'm thankful I stuck it out with that guy who drove a mini-van, who made me pay for our first meal together, who talked a lot about himself at dinner, and who showed me that he values family.  Even today when he makes me stop what I'm doing about 400 times to help him find a DVD or the keys that he's misplaced... I'd do it all again.  He makes me crazy sometimes, but I'm crazy about him, so it all balances out in the end.  And even though lately you keep calling him "your" prince... he's actually mine.  But I'll let you share him until God shows you who yours is... be ready to find one that might not look like your "type"... because His type is far better.