Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Being a Girl is Hard.

Being a girl is hard. It just is. There are so many things that we deal with that boys don't think twice about. Friends hurt our feelings and while situationally things might get easier, sometimes the hurts go really deep and scar us at our core. We spend hours as a teenager wondering what people will think about us and wondering if we will fit in. Then we grow up a little and pretend to think less about those things, all the while just finding new ways to think about them.

And so we've just (supposedly) bought a house.

Our offer got submitted and accepted tonight... a different house than the first two mentioned, but great in a whole new set of ways. And it was built in 1994. We've got to get points for that, right?

Here's where being a girl kicks in. Already there are thougts going through my head about what people will say... did we "rebound" into this house since the other one just fell through? Did we really think through this decision or just wanted A house? And... even bigger... did we pick this house because it's right down the road from two of my best friends???

I have spent years carving out my identity separate from my girlfriends. I have always been "that girl" who cares very much that she has a best friend. More so than having a boyfriend, best friends have always been much more important to me. And I've always wanted these women to know that they are my best friends and I theirs. I've often fallen into the shadow of a more popular, more dynamic "lead" where I end up being the short funny sidekick. It's taken a lot of journaling, a lot of my crushes falling for them, and a lot of building my own esteem to realize that my worth is not directly related to my best friend-ships.

So when this great house became available right down the road from my dear friends... and yes, my best friend in town... my first thought was that we should not take it for that very reason. In it's own backward way, it felt like I was somehow asking my girlfriend in 7th grade to go to the bathroom with me at class change. It felt like I was once again hiding in the shadow of those friendships.

Until a wise friend of mine pointed out to me that it was just the opposite... that it was a mature and "grown up" decision to choose to live our lives (and bring Elizabeth up) in a neighborhood surrounded by people we love. These are people we see 3 to 4 times a week anyway... essentially, I'm just going to be Going Green in that we can now walk to each other's homes rather than drive.

I'm already guarding my heart from the "attacks"... especially because I know one friend also looked at this house and didn't like it. Thankfully, God has brought me to a better understanding of who I am separate from my friendships that allows me to enjoy them all the more. And, thankfully, we'll be living in a (mold-free, unlike the last one!) house that will be a home.

And, thankfully, my girlfriends will be right around the corner.
And I don't care who knows it.
Out the door in 94.

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