Thursday, December 9, 2010

I'm going to throw up now.

Warning... this post is not for the faint at heart.

I have vivid memories of embarrassing moments in life.  6th grade, tripping in front of the boy who would later be my first kiss.  7th grade, falling in front of the entire 7th grade UP a set of bleachers.  College, well, just college.  (Seriously... were group dates a good idea?  And why did I cut my own bangs that time?)

Then tonight... the mother (ha) of all embarrassing moments.

Earlier tonight I was going through some CDs looking for some Christmas music for a friend.  In my attempt to be all things organized in 2011, I found some photo CDs in the midst of music CDs.  Not only did I have to move them, I had to look at them, right?

I got sucked into over an hour of old memories... baby showers, E's first days, tailgates from long ago, old college retreats.  So, the logical thing to do was share these old memories with Facebook... and tag people.

Thanks to FB's new photo loading deal, several would load at a time, then magically on my end, they would be there.  Who knows how it looks in FB Land during the upload.  And, you know, given how I was searching through CDs as they were uploading... well... it took me a while to go back and forth between the CDs and Facebook.

On one of these "brief" moments... I saw it.


My boob.


On Facebook.


In a moment that would make Jesus and my Momma blush, I hit delete on that picture then immediately IM'd my BFF "bleep! bleep! bleep! my boob was just on Facebook!!!!"


Apparently, when I thought I was uploading picture number 246 of my Dad meeting Elizabeth, I was actually uploading 146 of... me... nursing for the first time... in the hospital.

(I just threw up a little in my mouth reliving the moment when I discovered this had hit the mainstream.)

Obviously, the first question would LOGICALLY be, why would one have a picture of said-boob when no one EVER should see such a thing.  Best I can remember, Dan took non-stop pictures that first 24 hours.  Later, when my screen saver would randomly show things I didn't remember ever being taken and I questioned him on it, I *think* he said some bull-crap along the lines of "It's natural" or "One day Elizabeth will enjoy seeing this."

What he did not say was "Someday you'll accidentally upload this to Facebook and will relive every moment of horror in your life all rolled into one as you realize that someone, somewhere saw your boob.  On Facebook."

While I agree with him that it's natural and all that junk... it was NOT. MEANT. TO. EVER. BE. SEEN.

So, to the unknowing person(s) who saw more of me than was bargained for, I recommend going to your living room, picking up your Christmas tree, putting just the tip of it in your fireplace, then taking that flaming tree and shoving it straight in your eye.  Gouge out that image... just as I try to burn this day out of my memory, too.

Let it be known that there is NO irony in this happening on the day that I professed love for Facebook.

Let it be known that there is NO irony in this happening after I mocked a college student last summer for accidentally showing her goods to us on the river.

Let it be known that my life is officially over.

It was so much easier falling up the bleachers.


slt said...

Definitely missed this and I was on FB all night. Seriously think you should just claim you were joining the nurse-in movement a little late cause you couldn't find the picture.

Anonymous said...

Said college student, thought there might be a hint of irony in this. Just a drop though.

Kristen said...

Ok, first: Saw it, and it was beautiful. 2nd: Dan's right. Both you and E will love looking at it again one day. 3rd: I did think, "Wow, I knew Becky was bold, but I didn't realize she was THIS bold", and 4th: Get down on your knees and praise God that actual birth photos didn't publish! Yes, this happened to a friend last week! I thought to myself, "Wow, that is taking FB friendships to a whole new intimate level when you post your childbirthin' va-jay-jay out for all of FB to see. Beautiful, but WOW, that's bold". ;)