Yeah... ummm... so this happened....

Just before our New York trip, I got the stomach bug.  It was violent.  I was sick in every imaginable way for a day, then the following 2 days after I felt just... well... "gross".  Fortunately, no one else in my family got it and we managed a wonderful trip to The Big Apple.

We came home from NYC, then 24 hours later I hopped in a van to head to a conference.  It was super- I had time with some of my very favorite women and had a true reminder of why we signed up to do Foster Care.  Beauty.

I came home from that 10 day stretch of travel and was exhausted.  I mean EXHAUSTED.  I couldn't bounce back.  I was falling asleep on the couch while watching PBS Kids with E.  I was yawning through my entire shopping trip with my Mom.  Crazy.

That Friday, the stomach junk came back.  It was short lived, but it hit with a vengeance.  I cancelled Happy Hour plans with some friends and laid on the couch... finally able to rally enough to go out with some other friends that night.  When we arrived at the restaurant to find their yummy margaritas on special, I sadly had to pass as my stomach just didn't feel "right".

The next day, we took things slowly.  E came to snuggle with me in bed and before I knew it, I'd had a nap in the morning shortly after waking up.  We went furniture shopping that day and I still felt "off" all day.  I just couldn't rebound.  I felt weird, tired, and queasy all day.  As a "we've-done-this-2896753-times-before" move, I suggested going to the pharmacy to pick up a pregnancy test.  Seriously, as a woman who has struggled with infertility, every time I buy one, I feel like I'm just handing a donation of $12 to the drugstore, knowing that it will be negative.  But there is still something about doing a test that crosses off something in your mind so that you can go on being obsessed with something else.  Dan even kind of laughed when I suggested it, but we went by to pick up one anyway.

The next morning, I woke up and couldn't find where I put the CVS bag.  So I went about my morning like normal, but was still feeling anxious about what was wrong with me.  I had Dan come sit to pray over me and before he prayed I said "I'm really worried it's cancer or something serious.  There is definitely something wrong with my body, and I don't know what it is."  He asked if I took the pregnancy test... I told him no, that I couldn't find it.  After rolling his eyes and making a snarky comment, he found the test for me, and insisted I take it.  Meanwhile E was showering to get ready for church, and Dan went downstairs to check email.  Just a normal Sunday morning.

Until I took the test and within seconds the "pregnant" line popped up.

Ummm.... what?

I don't just get pregnant.

What?

For me to be pregnant, I have to go to doctors... take pills... take shots... have procedures... start medicine...

What?!?!?!?

I quickly ran downstairs and showed Dan the test as I was shaking, crying, laughing, and... in full disclosure... saying words that I'm not going to put in print.  His response was way more grown up.  He said, and I quote, "No freakin' way."

Way.

All of that Sunday was a blur.  We went to church.  I heard maybe 2 words that David said in his sermon.  The whole time Dan and I were whispering and writing notes to try to make sense of this.  I was on my phone looking up a "due date calendar" and trying to be discreet so our friends behind us didn't see it.  I think I shook and laughed and cried the entire day.

We called my doctor's office to ask about beginning the same medicine I needed during my pregnancy with Elizabeth to "maintain" the pregnancy.  The nurse said they couldn't prescribe it without first seeing me, so I should call back in the morning.  Those hours felt endless until 8am.  After talking to the nurse at 8, they decided to go ahead and call in that medicine... but offered an ultrasound since we had no idea how far along I was.  My ultrasound was scheduled for 2pm.  At that point... the hours until 2pm were beyond endless.  We wandered the aisles at Home Depot and Target.  We passed through the baby section and I just kept feeling that I was the butt of a big joke.  Diapers?  Cribs?  Bouncy seats?  WHAT?!?

During the ultrasound, the poor tech must have thought I had lost my mind.  I cried and laughed a lot.  And when she saw that baby.... that BABY... I nearly lost my mind for real.  We saw a baby.  And a heartbeat.  And things looked good-- with no medical intervention whatsoever.  And, I was already 7 weeks pregnant.

WHAT?!?!?!?

But I am "Infertile."  That is part of my story.  That is part of my name.

And God changed my name.

We received a beautiful due date of September 24th- my Daddy's birthday.  At that point, I couldn't contain my tears anymore.  Again, the poor tech didn't know what she had gotten herself into when she went to work that day.  I kept saying to her over and over "This can't be happening!  I can't get pregnant!" and she said "Ummm, ma'am?  You can.  And you did."  (And, yes, she called me ma'am because she looked about 12 years old.)

We went home- still filled with shock and awe- and decided to go ahead and tell Elizabeth.  We knew our chances for miscarriage, but we have also been honest with her about our previous losses.  She often will jump on my lap or run straight for me when she gets off the bus... so we figured rather than me having to be on guard for weeks and weeks, it was "safer" to tell her.  And, oh, y'all... it was perfect.  She squealed and giggled and kept saying "I'm going to be a big sister!" over and over.  After about 2 minutes of jubilation, she stopped cold and said "But wait... I have a question... what happens when we go to Disney World and I want to ride a ride the baby can't ride yet?  What do we do then?"  Yep.  Perspective and priorities.

We began to tell our family and friends, trying to keep it "secret", but unsure exactly how to do that once a 6 year old wanted to "get a giant microphone and tell the whole wide world the news!" (her words.)  We wanted to have the prayers of our family and friends, but wanted to wait just a little bit longer- for what, I'm not exactly sure.

And so here we are... going public on Facebook and my blog.  Ready for the questions... but more importantly, coveting your prayers.  I feel super unequipped to handle this miracle- and that is exactly what it is- a miracle... so I'm leaning on God more than I remember ever doing before..  And I'm also failing more than ever.  Dan got in my face and said "You have to trust God.  You have to." over and over one night recently as I was in tears with the "what ifs".  This miracle business ain't for sissys, and I happen to be one.

ps, the "oh no!" was for comic effect. she's really super pumped.