Confessions of a Night Manager, Volume Two

I had a meeting at our house a couple of weeks ago and someone noticed my old nametag from the RMH on my refrigerator.  She turned to me and said "Now I see why you're so organized!  You used to be the Night Manager at the RMH!"

Hmm.

Uh...

Yeah.  Except for not.

Sometimes I feel like I am bi-polar when when it comes to being organized, on-the-ball, whatever.  And this is why:

1. Three times in the last 6 weeks I've forgotten to take meals to people that I was signed up to deliver.  And I got email reminders about all 3 of them.  Uh-huh.  (I could give my reasons I've forgotten them, but that doesn't matter.  3 families expected me to bring them food... and I failed.)

2. My guest bedroom is full to overflowing with clothes... clean clothes (mostly)... which have been washed, dried, and folded- but not put up.  Company comes, so we scurry to do something with them, so they get piled in the guest bedroom... some to have to be re-ironed later.

3. I just finished TONIGHT my thank you notes from people caring for me after my surgery.  Which was over 5 months ago.  (Don't tell my mom.  I was raised better than this, people.)

4. I just remembered to mail someone a payment for something they sent me 6 weeks ago.

5. I have things in our stairway going down to the garage that have needed to be put "in place" for weeks... but the problem is the place to put them is still so cluttered, there's no room.

It's a vicious cycle.

Yet I WANT to be organized.  I WANT to be on-the-ball... and not even to impress people with my on-the-ballness, but for my own sanity.  I am involved in a lot of different things- when I'm not on top of my to-do lists and my calendar, I fear that I will forget a big commitment- even bigger than providing meals- and something important will suffer.  Ugh.

But tonight, as I was beating myself up for being so delinquent in writing thank you notes, I realized that there was something beautiful I could teach my daughter in all of this.  Instead of having to teach her, she showed me that she already gets it:

Mid-way through her seeing me writing thank you notes, she asked if she could write one.  She wrote it to our friend Savannah, for a toy Savannah gave E last year for her birthday.  We'd already written the "official" thank you note after getting the gift (a lot late, probably)... but E was inspired to write another one today.  Because today she was playing with it- and was reminded how much she loved it- and that made it important for her to write the note.

Well, she got inspired, and continued to write notes.

This one was for our babysitter, Miss Anna.  E was thinking of things she was thankful for and wanted Anna to know she was thankful for her... and her letting E play with playdough.  (She ended the note with "I hope we can be together again soon.)

When we got to church later, E's friend Becca came to sit with us.  E decided then to tell Becca how much she loved her.  Becca reciprocated by telling E "I am your best friend."  (Gosh, I love little girls.)  (Becca also said, when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday "I want Elizabeth to come to my party."  Now THAT is a sweet girl.  E would surely have asked for Mermaid Dora.)

What I love about my girl is that she gets how important it is to say thank you... she gets that it's important to say "I love you".  And because she doesn't have the unfortunate self-imposed guidelines that I do, she doesn't care if her thank you notes are prompt or just later when she realizes just how great the gift is.

I think that a thank you like that is far more genuine.

So those of you who haven't gotten a thank you from me yet?  For surgery or whatever?  Know that I'm thankful.  Because I am.  And I may remember a year from now when I'm thinking about your yummy salad dressing.  (I'm talking to you, ML.)  Or your tasty chocolate cherry cake (Yep, HM.)  Or that you were willing to, once again, hang out with my kid (thanks, MH, and JF, and MM, and....)  I am thankful.  Whether or not I told you in a way that would make Emily Post or my Momma proud is one thing... but what I taught my daughter about gratitude is another.

One day I want to be organized enough that when people hear I used to work at the RMH, it's a logical correlation.  But I didn't work there because I was super-organized or on-the-ball (sorry, RMH Board... the cat is out of the bag now!).... I worked there because I have a big heart and want to love people- even if it doesn't look  like it's "supposed" to.