Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Mean Girls

I've blogged before about how tumultuous adolescence was as a girl.  I'll stand behind it... it's still true.  But tonight as I was at Book Club, several of us shared experiences of times as an adult when girls have been just as brutal.

WHY?  For the love of God... WHY?

Whether in organized events (read= organized meanness), social clubs (read= social meanness), or just as friends who say and do mean things (read= meanness), it appears that it's universal... girls are mean to other girls.  Apparently Tyra did a show about it.  We've talked about it.  I've blogged about it... so why do we do it?!?!?!?

I know why-- Insecurity.  Jealousy.... oh, wait, that goes back to insecurity.

Tell me, ladies... what were some moments that you remember where people tore you down?  And, on the flip side, what were moments where people built you up?  I'll start... my first big memory of being torn down was 6th grade when people called me "Big Butt Becky" supposedly behind my back.  But I heard them.  And, no, I don't think it's funny if you call me that now.  I will not laugh.  I will possibly even cry.  From that drama, a special teacher built me back up by pouring into me that I was a leader and could make a difference.  I bought it- hook, line, and sinker.

Now, it's your turn.  Seriously... welcome to group therapy.  Share your pivotal moments here:


sherri said...

I have had so many mean girls in my past I was briefly a misogynist. (code words: 8th grade bully) I have to say now, though, I don't give a flip about anyone's opinion, man, woman or dog. I never have much, but I think that entering my forties has sort of cemented that for me. and I like it.

Anonymous said...

One particular relationship with a "mean girl" in my past was probably one of the most influential relationships I had as an adolescent because I considered the person my best friend for a long time. It's amazing what we will put up with from people who we consider friends. It wasn't until my senior year of high school I had the fortunate experience of my brother's best friend moving in with us during the summer. My brother wasn't around much, but his best friend and I spent a lot of time playing cards and talking. He made me realize the potential I was wasting. Sometimes all you need is a different perspective on things.

Courtney said...

We changed churches because of mean girls. Seriously.
I grew up at one church in Raleigh until I was 14. Around 13/14 these girls started being HATEFUL to me, and I would cry ever single time we left church. As much as my folks loved our church, it wasn't worth it for me to be miserable.
We started going to Wake Forest Baptist where I met Joy and my husband! It was a great switch on many fronts.
I think I won.

RLR said...

OK - better late than never. I told you I had a story for you. Are you sure you are ready?

My 'mean girl' moment was actually something a dance mom said to me when I was in my teen years. Yes, I was a teenager and she was an "adult."

I was always about a year younger than my classmates. Last one to drive, last one to - ahem - develop. You know where I'm going, right?

It was the day of recital photos, and we were all rushing to change in a relatively small space - teens, pre-teens (you know, what they used to call tweens), and little girls. The older girls (my 3 classmates and I) were using the two restrooms to change. As I was waiting my turn, a dance mom said to me:

"I don't know why you are so shy. You could put your costume on backwards and it wouldn't make any difference."


Me? Crushed. Embarrassed. And later mad.

And now that I'm the dance mom? I'm just going to teach my daughter to be self-confident, appropriately modest, and respectful even when she's calling out a rude dance mom for her inappropriate comments.

(Thanks, I feel better now!)

Anonymous said...

Have you ever read "Queen Bees and Wannabes" by Rosalind Wiseman? While I don't agree with everything she says, I do think she intelligently discusses the issues of "girl world" in our culture. I found the book to be informative and practical--applicable to younger girls I know, as well as myself. ~S. Elmore